Words by Billy Hodder. 

Danny Dyer is a national hero. An icon. The most justly and honest personification of Britain. In his spare time he expresses his love for “a pwopa nawty tear up”, loves drinking pints, once made a complete television series on football hooliganism and is on Eastenders. It doesn’t get more British than that. I challenge you to find a more accomplished and adept portrayal of what it means to be British in a human. (Spoiler: you can’t). I’d go as far as to add that the scandal of Danny Dyer still not being given a knighthood is a far more pressing issue than Theresa May’s ‘Brexit means Brexit’, ‘hard Brexit’, ‘soft Brexit’, ‘low-fat Brexit’, ‘are people still talking about Brexit, Brexit?”.

The moment that Danny Dyer recently found out that he was a far descendant from British royalty in an episode of ‘who do you think you are’ was the most befitting reestablishment of  an equilibrium that any plot line could have. Danny Dyer is Britain. Danny Dyer is your dad. Danny Dyer is the nations dad. Danny Dyer is the gift that we do not deserve.

So when we heard that Danny Dyer would be appearing on Channel 5’s Lip Sync battle our hearts did a pint sized leap. Our imaginations were opened to a whole new world, a Danny Dyer sized world, a ‘pwopa fuck off’ sized world of endless dreams that could finally be fulfilled.

He didn’t disappoint.

Dyer first appeared in a Serge Pizzorno styled skeleton t-shirt as he prowled the stage to belt out Kasabian’s classic ‘Fire’ which you can watch below.

The only problem with having someone who is as much of a ‘pwopa fackin geeza’ as Danny Dyer on this show is that you worry that he might not embrace the experience and event quite as much as others in the fear of never being able to fit in again with the lads down the footy in a tracksuit. How wrong we could be.

Dressed in a tight red dress with lippy to match, and covered in stick-on tattoos while resembling your recently divorced aunty after 5 bottles of tesco-value red wine on christmas day, Dyer launched into the Amy Winehouse classic ‘Back to Black’.

The full clips can be seen on January the 6th at 10pm of Channel 5 as part of ‘Lip Sync Battle UK’. Already everyone is in love with Dyer’s renditions and we can’t disagree.