We’re all guilty of it. After a summer of festivals and weekends that you don’t really remember your wrist is hidden behind a mountain of colorful wristbands. You can’t even remember what your wrists looked like before this agglomeration of sparkling damp cotton. But you wear them like a solider wearing a medal after returning from war. They’re war wounds, trophies and memorabilia. They are the recognition and proof that you survived. That you made it through 4 days of shitting in a field and consuming anything that might give you ‘that buzz’.

But it’s time to get your Mum’s kitchen scissors out, it’s time to wave goodbye to your extended limbs, because as your deepest worries that you’ve submersed into your subconscious have questioned, these wristbands are f*cking rank and science has now proven that.

Dr. Allison Cottell of the University of Surrey has discovered that a two-year-old wristband can contain a concentration of around 9000 micrococci and 2000 staphylococci bacteria on them. Don’t worry, we don’t have a clue what this mens either. But, apparently it does mean wristbands can trigger infections and boils if exposed to cuts and and grazes, and can also cause a form of acute food poising if ingested. (We’re not sure which one of you lot are consuming their wristbands but apparently it happens?!.)

To concur – cut them off kids.